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Bearly News (satire pieces)

Satire: New Study Finds Alien Species Present on Earth #notmyspecies

Scientists at the Syrian Research Facility (SRF) believe they have discovered an alien life form on earth. This “tremendous” discovery is expected to have devastating repercussions, especially in the United States.

According to SRF, the alien life form shows several “alarmingly inhuman qualities,” including, orange skin, straw-like hair, tiny hands, and an ego that was described as “bigly.”

Scientists claim that the alien being, whose physical shape is human-like, belongs to a new species they are naming “Homo Trumpies,” a related but altered descendant of the Homo Sapien Sapien. According to researchers, the discovery of the Homo Trumpies species has led to many in the scientific community questioning what they are calling, a series of “alternative facts.”

The results of the finding have created scientific and political impacts that are being described as Yuge! For starters, further attempts to identify more “aliens” and possible members of the Homo Trumpies species, has led to the belief that an entire family of these beings may already be among us.

President Trump is yet to weigh in on the news but his previous denouncements of “so-called scientific findings” most notably, climate change, likely mean the president will dispute this as nothing more than “wrong, lyin’ fake news!”

Additionally, the president has issued an executive order to ban researchers from the SRF, along with six other facilities claiming, that they represented a real threat to his authority. Protest marches in major metropolitan areas around the United States, including Washington DC, have demanded answers from the president, insisting his ban is without merit or humanity.

Protestors chanted “Studies show, you’ve got to go!” and “Those little hands, we cannot stand.”

In response, the White House argued that according to their facts, the ban on SRF is the most popular presidential act in history. Finally, President Trump announced he believes the aliens, who may number has high as 3-5 million, are hiding out in California and that they have been able to avoid detection because they only come out once every four years to vote.

California Gov. Jerry Brown did not respond to our request for comment.

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