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Dear Bearby: Sad Gay

Dear Bearby,

One of my friends has really homophobic friends. This really bothers me because I am gay. I don’t know how to tell them that their friendship with these people bothers me.

Sincerely,
Sad Gay

Dear Sad Gay,

I would start by mentioning it to your friend privately, or maybe through text. Let them know that you’re feeling uncomfortable with it, and use “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…”. Keep the conversation to how you feel, not an ultimatum. It’s more important to get your thoughts across than lead with anger and frustration. If they are a true ally, they will hear you out and hopefully show their respect for your identity by changing their behavior.

Love,
Bearby

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Dear Bearby: Not-So-Joking Girlfriend

Dear Bearby,

Every time I’m on a Facetime with my friend, she asks to add my boyfriend and I think it’s because she likes him. She sometimes treats our relationship like a joke 🙁

From,
Not-So-Joking Girlfriend

Hi!

It’s highly possible that she’s excited for this new development in your life and wants to be a part of it because she feels like she’s drifting from you as you grow closer with your boyfriend. I would give your friend the benefit of the doubt and have an honest conversation with her. Think back to any other partners you’ve had —has she treated them the same? If you’re worried about your relationship not being taken seriously, try spending time with your boyfriend alone to strengthen your bond. Whether or not your friend is trying to be malicious, it’s always helpful to talk about it and set your boundaries.

Love,
Bearby

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