In light of increasing public health concerns, 2020 graduation will no longer take place on the football field. Instead, its place will be taken by a smaller, much more intimate event, comprised of you, your diploma, and Principal Simone Rick-Kennel moving by at 10-15 miles per hour.
Rick-Kennel has personally pledged to golf-cart her way to each student’s home and/or apocalyptic bunker, to hand-deliver diplomas. Come June 4th, she intends to venture from door to door, presenting, nay, throwing our diplomas at us from the cracked pleather bench of a tricked-out golf cart.
“I’m so thankful to hear this news,” said one senior in an impromptu Zoom breakout room interview. “I heard rumors that graduation would be canceled, or take place on a Minecraft or Roblox server. I even heard that admin would try to set it up here, on Zoo–” The breakout room ended before we could finish our interview.
Happy April Fool’s Day from the M-A Chronicle Staff! 🙂
Please note: this is a satirical article and does not reflect any official school choices or beliefs.
Cover photo by Lena Kalotihos
Illustration by Karina Takayama